Quirky Advice Seekers Gifts

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'I'm screwed...'

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

"So the next time you see the girl you wish to impress, just be yourself. Fulfillment comes when you know who you truly are and where you want to go in life. Thanks for calling Tia Carmen's psychic hotline!"

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"

Have you tried drinking ?

"Stop the barking .50"

'If the shoe fits then wear it...Then get another one just like it.'

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

"Granddad tells us to see the 'big picture,' so we're watching more television.

'It's freezing up here - I'm half naked - and you want MY advice?'

'Get your hair cut, lose some weight, have a shave, be good to your mother...'