Quirky Advice Seekers Gifts

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

COVID tips from Wild Animals

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

'I'm screwed...'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Vending machine is junk. For $1.00 I'll beat on it for you."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Air fresheners being pumped into the city's sewers.

"Stop the barking .50"

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozark

"How about wearing heavier shoes?"

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

Have you tried drinking ?

"So the next time you see the girl you wish to impress, just be yourself. Fulfillment comes when you know who you truly are and where you want to go in life. Thanks for calling Tia Carmen's psychic hotline!"

'It's freezing up here - I'm half naked - and you want MY advice?'

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

Oprah calls it quits...

'If the shoe fits then wear it...Then get another one just like it.'