Quirky Advice Taker Gifts

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'I'm screwed...'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

Beach psychiatrist.

Fortune Cookies

Have you tried drinking ?

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozark

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

"But the tax evasion did bring me happiness."

No Frills Psychiatrist.

The short attention span support group will be meeti...

'An unpleasant customer will come to see you? Well, remember that there are three good buddies who can help you: garlic, onions and beans.'