Quirky Advice Aficionado Gifts

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

'In general, do the right thing.'

"I now pronounce you a partial place setting."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Not only do we have no natural enemies we have no natural friends.'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"The usual."

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

'Have you been feeding him cat food again?'

Cat art exhibition.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

I know. Isn't it funny how people and their pets start to look alike?

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

"There's someone here who says she has a word to the wise. Do we have anyone like that?"

Early days in the cloning lab.

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'I'm screwed...'

"This next trick will require a volunteer from the audience..."

"I'll give you some advice. When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut."

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'