Quirky Advice Giver Gifts

Have you tried drinking ?

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

The girl with the sensible shoes.

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

COVID tips from Wild Animals

Recruitment Agency - Tips for getting that dream job.

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'You're better off without him.'

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I'm screwed...'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

'No, no, the pills don't have any medication to improve your balance. You'll just get steadier on your feet by trying to catch pills that are thrown to you.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Off the wall legal advisor.

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

"I went with the flow and wound up in the French quarter."

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

Beach psychiatrist.

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, I have encountered a "close-talker" at work who always stands about five or six inches from my face while talking to me. Unfortunately, this close-talker is my boss. How can I get her to stop doing this without shooting my career in the foot? - Charlotte in Austin. Excellent question. It takes me back. The year was 1938. I spent months tracking down the elusive grizzly bear of the Ozark

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.