Quirky Caller Gifts

Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs

'Hello, Pizza Palace of Seattle? -- Do you charge extra for delivery?'

'If you want useless blah blah blah from an impolite, worked-up service agent, press 1. If you want useful information given by a competent and motivated service agent, please call our competitors.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

Ostrich Curoisities

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'Modern romance'

"I speak Latin, you know."

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I see that, but can you play well with others?"

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

Tropical Cow Tank

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

"You draw clip-art? What a coincidence - I write Muzak!"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"Maybe strawberries would have made more sense."

'It's for you.'

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

People talking through a stethoscope.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Try to smile a bit louder."