Quirky Caller T-Shirts

Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs

'Hello, Pizza Palace of Seattle? -- Do you charge extra for delivery?'

'If you want useless blah blah blah from an impolite, worked-up service agent, press 1. If you want useful information given by a competent and motivated service agent, please call our competitors.'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I speak Latin, you know."

Ostrich Curoisities

'Modern romance'

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

~ S.O.S.

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"I see that, but can you play well with others?"

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

"The Help Desk guy says to try Ctrl-Alt-Delete....!"

Tropical Cow Tank

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

"You draw clip-art? What a coincidence - I write Muzak!"

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"Maybe strawberries would have made more sense."

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Celestial Sadie, In the Western sky after sunset, Jupitor can be seen nearly aligned with Venus. What do you make of this? R. Yates. Excellent question. That reminds me of a long lost civilization, in which there was no such thing as a typo. Where no one ever hit the wrong key because they wrote letters by hand. Eventually, it became so obsessed with speed that it began typing everything, and so inconsiderate that it soon stopped bothering to proo

'It's for you.'

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

Listenin' in

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