Quarterly Report Warrior Gifts

"It's a generally positive report with a few disturbing elements...much like the tapioca pudding in the cafeteria."

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"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

Soaring Profits

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Time to buy.'

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

How to make crocodiles cry. . .Living wage proposal.

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

National Living Wage from April 1st.

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'A word in my office Jones.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.