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"It's a generally positive report with a few disturbing elements...much like the tapioca pudding in the cafeteria."

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"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

Soaring Profits

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'Time to buy.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

How to make crocodiles cry. . .Living wage proposal.

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

'A word in my office Jones.'

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.