Quarterly Report Enthusiast Gifts

"It was an amazing half hour."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I hate performance review season."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"I thought those D's meant dedicated!"

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Which way up do you want it?"

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"And this all happened in the last week..."

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.

'Take a letter,'

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.