Quarterly Reviewer Gifts

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I hate performance review season."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"At least we're consistent ... "

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"Which way up do you want it?"

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

The Music Critic.

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.