Quarterly Report Gifts

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"I asked Bill to accompany this presentation with something in a haunting minor key."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Work Parfait

"I hate performance review season."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

The Salesman

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

Business is off the chart.

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

Soaring Profits

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'Why so tense? First appraisal meeting?'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"