End Of Quarter Report Gifts

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Work Parfait

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

The Salesman

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Soaring Profits

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'Why so tense? First appraisal meeting?'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'And right here they merged...'

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'