End Of A Financial Quarter Gifts

'The price of a stock will fluctuate on these three factors...'

In basket-case.

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Work Parfait

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I hate performance review season."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

What My Day Feels Like

Annual profits,

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

The Salesman

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Business is off the chart.