Quarterly Report Celebration Gifts

Abracadabra! We have growth!

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Man at desk with two in-trays reading 'urgent' and 'too late'.

"I hate performance review season."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

Soaring Profits

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

The Pencil and Sharpener

i am just celebrating my 25th anniversary at novox nursery

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'And right here they merged...'

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"At least we're consistent ... "

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Which way up do you want it?"