Quarterly Success Gifts

Soaring Profits

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I hate performance review season."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Business is off the chart.

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'And right here they merged...'

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"At least we're consistent ... "

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"And so if the pillage numbers don't improve this quarter, I have just one word for you: waterskis."

"Which way up do you want it?"

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.