Quarterly Results Announcement Gifts

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Work Parfait

"I hate performance review season."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

The Salesman

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

Business is off the chart.

Soaring Profits

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'Why so tense? First appraisal meeting?'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'And right here they merged...'

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'