Quarterly Report Rollercoaster Rider Gifts

"Mitchell will now review the quarterly earnings. Please fasten seat belts and place chairs in upright position."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

Mother Nature's Wild Ride 2007.

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Which way up do you want it?"

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

"And this all happened in the last week..."

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

"And these projections are based solidly on hope, crossed fingers, and fear."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."