Financial Rollercoaster Rider Gifts

These two pictures show my dad's work at the Stock Exchange....

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'When you said this movie's about a fish out of water, I was expecting more of a light-hearted comedy.'

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

Tragedy! When the feeling's gone and you can't go on.

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'We're in a hurry.'

"Oh no! You, again?"

Stock Hurricane Ride

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

"I said our marriage was a 'go', Brenda. I didn't say it was a 'confirmed go'."

Economic

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

Sign reading "Bought High; Sold Low."

Real Time vs Emotional Time

"Mitchell will now review the quarterly earnings. Please fasten seat belts and place chairs in upright position."

'She vacillates between PBS and PMS.'

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

'Good news! Some guy stole my identity online. Now he's saddled with my bad credit rating.'

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

"Jeremy called our relationship 'crunchy.'"

"The stock market roller coaster rides of late have taught me a thing or two. Sell all your assets and stick with cash."

Stock Market Index Fund and In case of Emergency Manic Depressive Therapy.

Arrivals and Departures

'Looks like a Ponzi scheme, but you got in early so you should be fine - provided you keep your mouth shut.'

"I tried 'living in the moment' but it was a really, really bad moment."

'Patient wise, what I lose on the emotional rollercoasters I make up on the mood swings.'

'Last week my husband thought he was dying. This week he will know he was.'

"Do you take Diners Club?"

"Good morning, here is today's Personal Update..."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

Man skates downhill on a pound sign.

'First of all, I need you to phone around, reassure the investors.'