Quarterly Report Rollercoaster Rider Pillows

"Mitchell will now review the quarterly earnings. Please fasten seat belts and place chairs in upright position."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

Mother Nature's Wild Ride 2007.

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Before I read the financial report I have to ask... do any of you have a weapon?"

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Which way up do you want it?"

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

"And this all happened in the last week..."

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"It's been a great year - let's hope we can keep the shareholders from finding out."

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

'Congratulations, gentlemen! Sales have held steady for another quarter.'

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."