Balance Sheet Warrior Gifts

"Well, there it is in black and white - we're in the red."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

End of Year Figs.

Macho talk from down in accounting.

'And it's not just me...Ms. Anthrope doesn't seem to like anyone.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"We got the cactus account!"

'What a wonderful day to declare chapter 13!'

"Somehow I thought they'd be a bit SCARIER."

'Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio heavy on sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

Workaholics Anonymous

"Yes dear. But, I don't think you're actually supposed to dispose of your disposable income."

'How to handle market stress' book being thrown through investments office window.

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

'The side effects are headaches, sweating,nervousness, and a depressed bank account.'

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'After a cursory examination, the outside auditor is demanding his money up front.'

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

"I think it's just human nature to set up a private special purpose business entity to conceal balance sheet transaction in order to maximize an earnings forecast."

"Yes, it's report card time again."

'We believe numbers don't lie, especially when interpreted advantageously.'

Pig Bank Hammer

Big City Bank Loan manager