Balance Sheet Genius Gifts

"If nothing else we're in an honest company."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

'What a wonderful day to declare chapter 13!'

'The Buck (after taxes) Stops Here.'

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

"Well, there it is in black and white - we're in the red."

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

"Under the new tax plan, do we get it in the neck more or less than under the old tax plan?"

'To save money, Bob started making his own wine. This Chablis, for example, only cost him $329 a bottle.'

"I think it's just human nature to set up a private special purpose business entity to conceal balance sheet transaction in order to maximize an earnings forecast."

'After a cursory examination, the outside auditor is demanding his money up front.'

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

A simple clue that your bank has been sold: "Would you like that in dollars or yen?"

'We believe numbers don't lie, especially when interpreted advantageously.'

I don't think we need to resort to medication to help your insomnia...An hour with my accountant should do the trick...Accountancy doesn't NEED to be DULL!

'Okay - imagine you're a bailiff coming at me with a repossession order.'

'Hello, Smudgekins and Smollet, creative accountants, how may I help you?'

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"

"Have you included the loss of my reputation?"

"Not to worry, boss. We only suffered paper losses."

Creative Accounting

"Yes, I said creativity is good. But not with the balance sheets."

"We could save a lot if we move the wedding to the front yard and document it with the doorbell camera."

'I always wanted to be an accountant. There's safety in numbers, you know.'

" I thought you wanted to know how much you had in your account."

"Our boycotts are saving us a ton of money."

Accounting: Fiction and Non-Fiction.

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

"These financials look right. They smell right -- they're either right or very clever."

'I don't condone unethical accounting practices Henderson - On the other hand, I don't frown on a little numeric creativity.'

"That 'LOL' on the balance sheet stands for 'Lost Our Leverage'."

"Honey, this is that new accounting team I was telling you about. Due to certain irregularities on my part, they'll be taking the house, the car and a couple of the kids."

"Would you like that all in money?"