Balance Sheet Detectives Gifts

"These financials look right. They smell right -- they're either right or very clever."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'Crisis'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

IRS Audit Section

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"'Statistics will prove anything' is right, Carruthers. They prove you screwed up."

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"Well, we know it's WAY down there, but it may be beyond the range of our equipment."

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

'When we come back we'll talk to a man who made a fortune on Wall Street and almost got away with it.'

"How can our Russian affiliate be losing money? I thought that country was out of the red."

"We need to discuss your expense account."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract..."

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

Financial Corruption

'Unfortunately, this, here, is still a mystery.'

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

"Well, there it is in black and white - we're in the red."

'Stocks edged higher on the news Greenspan said investors are 'irrationally gloomy'.'

'Too bad you couldn't find my tax returns! This time see if you can find your tax rates!'

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"I can't see how you can possibly extract any more out of me."