Budget Woes Warrior Gifts

"Due to cuts in the procurement budget we'll have to delay your operation until we get a hit online for your new hip!"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

"Everything's gone up."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

'I need affordable daycare now!'

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't realize how much credit you had on your card."

Breaking Through

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

The rich, the poor and the terrorist...

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'