Utility Woes Warrior Gifts

'That's the same reaction I get each month when he opens up our phone bill,'

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

The Fuse

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

Social security.

Gas Bill

Mock cover of 'Landfill' magazine

"It's a ransom note from our energy supplier!"

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

"We seem to be the only animals here."

Your hands are cold...

'Why can't you guys be more like the hot water heater, who may pay for itself in two years.'

'You've cut me off. So how can I find my cheque book in the dark?'

'The instruments are suggesting that the heat pump is receiving a temperature of 105...what could possibly be heating the ground that much?'

'That's the worst case of rising damp I've ever seen!'

Social Services held back by risk, unrealistic targets and budget cuts.

Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde gets his gas bill.

'Our computer system crashed last night, following a high-speed chase by area police. It's currently lodged in the county jail. That's all I have right now!'

TV: 'It's 10 pm- do you know where your social security funding is tonight?'

'Because oil is so expensive I've had to go back to using coal.'

Caution! Peak power electric bill shock possible.

"Just because I'm broke doesn't mean I should get a job."

"We made three billion dollars mining Bitcoin, minus our electricity bill - that comes to $1.61."

Please Help: Tory minister who claimed he could live on £53 a week.

"Work harder. People on state benefits depend on you."

Yes we know what it will be. A huge drain on our finances.

"Due to cuts in the procurement budget we'll have to delay your operation until we get a hit online for your new hip!"

Moaning makes you a magnet for other moaners..

'I treat those who've had out-of-body-experiences---not out-of-money experiences!'

'Why don't you just go quietly? After all, they've only come about the water rates!'

'The label says that it should be served at room temperature... Shall I put it in the freezer for half an hour?'