Utility Warrior Gifts

'Why don't you just go quietly? After all, they've only come about the water rates!'

'You've cut me off. So how can I find my cheque book in the dark?'

'Because oil is so expensive I've had to go back to using coal.'

Moaning makes you a magnet for other moaners..

Electricity prices

Caution! Peak power electric bill shock possible.

"Not so smart now are you!"

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

"Neversource"

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"Read me one more, Daddy!"

Odysseus returns to the Laundromat

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

Wake the eff up with the official New York City alarm clock. Choose your distress signal: car horns, sirens, barking, heat pipes, mouse feet. Guaranteed to disturb!

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

Those missing socks...where do they go?

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

Breaking Through

The rich, the poor and the terrorist...

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

Nun confronts mugger.

Pasadena Playhouse War

"I hate when a parking spot in the city opens up."