Budget Warriors Gifts

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

Check out the tuitions on these college brochures. Let's see. $50,000 a year, plus fees?! If college professors are so bleepin' brilliant � You'd think they'd have fixed such a glaring typo! It is fixed. Against us!

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

No frills fireworks.

'I hope my application for a block grant is approved. Right now, my kindergarten class is using frozen waffles for stacking and building.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

Overdraft limit.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

'Wait a minute....!

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

"I think it's time we cashed in our spare change. We could probably pay off our house."

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

Percentage Lifetime Income.

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

'He joined the party in support of the police cuts.'

'If the best things in life are free, we have too many of the worst things.'

Test: Guess who will suffer the most to reduce the deficit?

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

The Accountant Husband