Cost-cutting Warrior Gifts

'I think we should budgets we draw up.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

The Affordable Shredder

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

"Yes dear. But, I don't think you're actually supposed to dispose of your disposable income."

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

'Because of cost cuts, your computer and telephone got removed. Just make a 'Click-Click' noise for typing, 'Bzzt-Bzzt' for printing and 'Ring-Ring' for incoming calls.'

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"One day this will all be outsourced."

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

Thrift: bathe fully dressed and wash your clothes at the same time