Cost-cutting Crusader Gifts

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

"In order to cut costs we are no longer animating our presentations..."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

Energy bills rise

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"This company wants to make money, NOT spend money. Turning on the lights would go against our goal."

Gas Pump Robbery

'We would save even more money if we delivered mail ONLY on Saturdays...'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Global warming, income inequalities, protests and COVID-19. Get up and do something! Help out already, now!!!"

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

The Affordable Shredder

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

Suggestion box: 'Build a bigger Complaints box'.

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

The European Union aims to eradicate tax evasion.

'Because of cost cuts, your computer and telephone got removed. Just make a 'Click-Click' noise for typing, 'Bzzt-Bzzt' for printing and 'Ring-Ring' for incoming calls.'

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"This is your social worker Mrs Bigworth, she's brought your care package."

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

"One day this will all be outsourced."

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

Cutting the cost of assisted living facilities

"We've managed to outsource training to a company that will say 'yes sir,no sir' for 20% less."

It's the only crossing guard they can afford.

"Is the drug that you are prescribing available as a generic, so I can save some money, or at the very least, available from a pharmaceutical company that I own shares in, so that I can make some money?"

"Says he can't afford the hospital's parking fees!"

"If your insurance doesn't cover it, there's always the lottery."

Smelling Salts at the Petrol Station.