Budget Cut Crusader Gifts

"This is your social worker Mrs Bigworth, she's brought your care package."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

"Sorry, new style pain killer. It's the cut-backs I'm afraid."

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'Due to budget cutbacks, we need to get by with less.'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

"Yes dear. But, I don't think you're actually supposed to dispose of your disposable income."

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"I think I see the problem..."

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

'Here's your 'Christmas Festive Fayre' menu...everything is off except the beans.'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

"The cuts have made things even worse...It's the worst part of the job. Having to spend so much time with people at the very end of the tether...people with no hope, no optimism for the future, people in a state of despair!"

'I want to eat healthy food, but it takes green to eat green.'

"I feel that just as as I think I can make ends meet, someone moves the ends!"

'I need another raise so I can pay for the car that I bought to celebrate my last raise.'

"In order to cut costs we are no longer animating our presentations..."

It's the only crossing guard they can afford.

"Nobody likes closing libraries but with all the cuts we don't have any choice!"