Cost-cutting Guru Gifts

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

Investing your savings

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Blowing dust off an order book.

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"No, unfortunately I won't be raising your debt ceiling."

"His department suffered the death of a thousand cuts."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'So, who's first?'

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

'The diet books really worked for me...I bought so many I couldn't afford any food.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

How to do without

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?'