Cost-cutter Aficionado Gifts

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

"So you want to hide it from other squirrels by presented to deposit it in savings, then taking it back and putting it in a secret account?"

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

How to do without

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

'Spending and consuming - that's my kind of patriotism.'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'