Cost-cutter Gifts

Hot Air and Cold Air Balloon Rides.

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'It will be costly to respond to climate change by reducing our emissions. Those costs can be offset by savings in legal fees, for preparing and defending our environmental impact statements.'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

"We're cutting down on travel expenses."

Thrift: Get as much amputated as possible.

'Paying for her legal advice is a waste of money, I mean where's the value?'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Simmer seems to have come EARLY this year."

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

'You mean we have to pay higher milk prices for something that's only 2 milk?'

"And here we have the 'economy' liposuction option!"

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

"I didn't hire a photographer. I thought we'd save a few bob by just taking, wedding selfies."

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

The Affordable Shredder

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."