Cost-cutting Gifts

"We've managed to outsource training to a company that will say 'yes sir,no sir' for 20% less."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

The Affordable Shredder

'Doris! did you order Bion Energy's super saver fixed rate deal?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'We're in a recession, you'll grow into it.'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

"We'll take $10 off the monthly charge, but we reserve the right to slip it back in when you're not looking."

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."