Cost-cutting Strategies Gifts

"Our mandatory fitness program has nothing to do with health. It generates electricity, which saves the company money."

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

The Affordable Shredder

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

'The only way you can become a millionaire by investing in savings accounts, is to invest millions in savings accounts.'

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."