Cost-cutting Strategists Gifts

"We can drastically reduce our costs for the upcoming ethics workshop if I attend by myself and wear a wire."

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

The Affordable Shredder

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"He's not our founder. He just found us the most tax loopholes."

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

How to do without

'We just drive by and throw candy and stuff like in a parade.'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

'The only way you can become a millionaire by investing in savings accounts, is to invest millions in savings accounts.'

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."