Cost-cutting Expert Gifts

'There's light at the end of the tunnel.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

The Affordable Shredder

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"Moreover, profits double if we move in with our parents."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

"I can build it. My price is 300 oxen and a flock of sheep. A roof would be 250 sheep extra."

'Here we stopped workers taking home pens.'

'It's so expensive because it doesn't do as much as other computers and it's harder to use.'

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

How to do without

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go...we've just sourced somebody in Mumbai who's 34% better at being you for 29% less!'

"I've decided to forgo expensive gifts with acts of apathy."

"We're cutting costs now, so get rid of the petting zoo."

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

'Because of cost cuts, your computer and telephone got removed. Just make a 'Click-Click' noise for typing, 'Bzzt-Bzzt' for printing and 'Ring-Ring' for incoming calls.'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."