Quality Assurance Gifts

'See, it's not impossible for an obsessive-compulsive to get a responsible job.'

Quality Assurance

'That one went exactly where you wanted it to go, I'm going to have to fail it.'

'What a coincidence. I not only work for that company, I also inspected your underwear.'

"I also thought it would be impossible for an obsessive-compulsive to get a responsible job."

Quality Control

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

"Office of quality assurance"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

Satis Factory Tour

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"It floated. I want my money back."

"And here is the quality control department for our deviled eggs."

Quality Contorl.

Doll line: Quality Control - Too Creepy.

'Don't worry. Big Al will take care of it.'

Benchmark

Agricultural Testing Station: 'Over 3 Billion Compounds Tested.'

'The scary part is, he's in charge of quality control.'

'They're doing their tests now?

"...and into each box, we now put a tiny amount of antidote to counteract all the additives."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'

'Don't slam the door so hard.'

'Sales of durable goods are down. Actually the sales numbers are the same, the goods just aren't as durable as they used to be.'

"For quality control purposes, this phone call may be recorded and replayed for laughs at various office parties throughout our company."