Quality Assurance Inspector Gifts

"Office of quality assurance"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Rust test in progress.

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

"And here is the quality control department for our deviled eggs."

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"It floated. I want my money back."

Quality Contorl.

'Hey! This box of 'made in America' stickers has a sticker on it that says 'made in Taiwan'.'

Doll line: Quality Control - Too Creepy.

'The scary part is, he's in charge of quality control.'

Benchmark

Agricultural Testing Station: 'Over 3 Billion Compounds Tested.'

'They're doing their tests now?

'I'm afraid we have to let you go, Carl, you're just an accident waiting to happen.'

"...and into each box, we now put a tiny amount of antidote to counteract all the additives."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'Don't slam the door so hard.'

'One small point,Perkins-we don't STAMP on the sell-by dates here!'

'Sales of durable goods are down. Actually the sales numbers are the same, the goods just aren't as durable as they used to be.'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"Ooops....I guess this one failed."