Pyramid Scheme Ponderer Gifts

"A fantastic evangelist was on TV, and I sent him everything."

Tourists

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Optimist

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Here's the parking lot."

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

Pyramid catflap...

Schrödinger and his cat

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'You may feel lost and insignificant at first working for us.'

"You can't lose pal. For a small fee, you make huge commissions every time you sell those babies."

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"