Puppy Professional Gifts

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Dog Walking Services

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Depressed? No doubt. Overwhelmed? Obviously. Crazy? I don't think so."

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Marv was trying to teach Rufus how to be a REAL retriever.

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

Balloon dog training

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

"What's worse, that or this?"

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

They couldn't put their paw on it, but something about today seemed different...

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

Four Star Meal

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

'No, I said 'sit'.'

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

'I must smell more.'

'That's the last time I trust you to train the dog!'

Dog next to sign that says, 'Beware of Dog's Feelings'.