Punting Pro Gifts

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

"YAY! FREE SHIPPING!"

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Tee for Two!

Self Raising Flour

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

"We should have taken a eweber."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Boating Reflection

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

Blue Tit Bank.

Welcome to Fairway...The town with 536 holes of golf!

'I'm the veterinarian of Cheshire who spays and neuters Cheshire pets.'

Professional Cell Phone Accessories

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

'We could have saved an awful lot of bother and just given him a shot a hole.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Golf

His Other Shtick

There Are More Things To Life Than Golf...But I Ignore Them. There are more things to life than golf...but I ignore them.

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

Rory McIlroy

'Would it be alright if I just did a little putting?'

I've had a fantastic round, I've even got a ball left over!

Way ahead of its time and sadly doomed to extinction: A prehistoric punting and gathering society.