Punting Gifts

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

Boating Reflection

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

"YAY! FREE SHIPPING!"

Self Raising Flour

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

"We should have taken a eweber."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

His Other Shtick

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'We could have saved an awful lot of bother and just given him a shot a hole.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

"Do you file your nails..?

Way ahead of its time and sadly doomed to extinction: A prehistoric punting and gathering society.

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'I need 1000 bucks to tide me over until my ship comes in!'

Wordilly Durdillies - Unidentified frying object

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

Oh, no! Another case of the hives!

"What do you mean you're just fifteen?"

Out of work baker - I knead your dough.

Cookie Does

'Your personals ad said you sold stocks.'

Fakir Repairs

Donkey Fights