Poultry Punter Gifts

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

"Damn! Someone just asked for chicken drumsticks."

'This is taking too long - we'll have to induce hatching.'

A Semicolon.

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Mum, what is a nugget?"

"Half a dozen brown—three large, three jumbo!"

Various Birds of Pray.

Polly Clinic.

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'

"Cooky was askin' about you again."

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'Well Mrs. Henson, form the looks of this place, egg stacking, children claw marks, chicken blood graffiti, egg splat everywhere, I'd have to say this is the work of a poultry geist!'

Brenda lost not only the egg toss, but something much, much more.

'And stop making that stupid clucking sound'

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

"I'm very proud of the grade A's, son, but what about these grade B smalls?"

His Other Shtick

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'And you, William Elwood Hoonavogel, are you willing to give up your free range status?'

"So how often do you have these dreams about the axe?"

"Be honest Walter...Is it me you really love or just the farm-fresh eggs every morning?"

"Our scientists may have discovered that we once had extra body parts."

"What a traitor! It is supposed to be a well-guarded secret covered by a non-disclosure agreement..."

"I keep forgetting. When do I cluck and when do I double-cluck?"

Headless Chicken picking out chief in a line up

Chick escapes from egg prison.

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"