Poultry Punderer Gifts

'At least he won't catch a cold this winter.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

The Rooster Comedian.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Woman keeping a chicken in her room for fresh eggs

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

"Damn! Someone just asked for chicken drumsticks."

'This is taking too long - we'll have to induce hatching.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

"Mum, what is a nugget?"

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

Suddenly, the line went dead.

"Half a dozen brown—three large, three jumbo!"

"Dayum. She bootylicious."

"Cooky was askin' about you again."

Maternity ward on the farm.

"Don't be fooled - that's Henrietta, cross-dressing again."

"I'm being promoted in the company's pecking order."

Various Birds of Pray.

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

'Don't worry, I would never tell the other free range chickens you're agoraphobic.'

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Who's next?"

Brenda lost not only the egg toss, but something much, much more.

'Well Mrs. Henson, form the looks of this place, egg stacking, children claw marks, chicken blood graffiti, egg splat everywhere, I'd have to say this is the work of a poultry geist!'

'And stop making that stupid clucking sound'

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."