Pet Punter Gifts

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Dog Walker

Pet Cemetery.

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

"Not too much off my back."

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

Licker Store

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

Saloon Selectives

"He's a shiitake."

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Jack Russell?"

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

In medical terms, it's known as cat's got your tongue.

Gambler And Umpire

'Is he house-broken?'

"I brought my wife a mink for her birthday, but she refuses to clean out its cage."

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

'I bring you my cat that got locked in the deep-freezer and you make jokes about popsicles."

"It makes him look less menacing."

The God's football