Pet Punter Pillows

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Dog Walker

'No, I don't need a doggy bag, but how about a kitty bag?'

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"Not too much off my back."

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

"He's a shiitake."

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

"Jack Russell?"

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

In medical terms, it's known as cat's got your tongue.

Gambler And Umpire

'Is he house-broken?'

"I brought my wife a mink for her birthday, but she refuses to clean out its cage."

"It makes him look less menacing."

'I bring you my cat that got locked in the deep-freezer and you make jokes about popsicles."

The God's football

'I call him Rex, because he wrecks everything he sees.'