Pet Punster Pillows

In medical terms, it's known as cat's got your tongue.

'Madame, I an clearly see that your cat is a dog. You'll have to pay the $25.'

Dog Walker

"I've got a boxer dog. Every time our doorbell ring, he goes into a corner..."

". . . But, according to your cat, you had a fur ball contract."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'I bring you my cat that got locked in the deep-freezer and you make jokes about popsicles."

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"He's a shiitake."

'Ah look, what a lovely tortoise shell cat.'

101 uses of a dead cat: leaf rake

"It makes him look less menacing."

'I call him Rex, because he wrecks everything he sees.'

'That's Princess... formerly 'Prince'.'

'Is he house-broken?'

"Find another place to dump that crap. This stall is occupied."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Sweep the board.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."