Punning Gifts

Oh, no! Another case of the hives!

Stand back...he's drawn a knife!

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

Wordilly Durdillies - Unidentified frying object

"I love my grub!"

"What do you mean you're just fifteen?"

"Do you file your nails..?

Zombie standup

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"You're such a good listener."

Backfire

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Shampoo.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"Ninja bread men"