Punning Enthusiast Gifts

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'I'm really shy you see: I guess I'll never be a 'Social Butterfly'...'

'And do you promise to tell the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth so help you God?'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"We should have taken a eweber."

'Here's a very sentimental script about a policeman.'

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

'Your personals ad said you sold stocks.'

"Stick with me, gorgeous - I've got loads of lettuce!"

"...and over there, are the foothills of Misery Mountain."

Self Raising Flour

Cookie Does

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

baby sweetcorn...

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'