Puns Enthusiast Gifts

"Well, what are you waiting for? Put the petal to the metal!"

Pontius Pilates

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

Foreplay was at the back of his mind. Way at the back.

Hell for bad doctors.

'Son,you're beginning to get on my wick.'

'Naturally, he feels humiliated. Twenty-five years of teaching math and he takes a pi to the face.'

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

Lay Preacher

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

"Two legs and a shoulder please."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Talk nerdy to me."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

baby sweetcorn...

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Transylvanian backpackers.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."